A Thank You Note
I started this blog right after I graduated from college - almost two years ago - feeling a bit bored, a bit lost, and a bit sad. I had five months before starting my job, had moved back home, and sought a creative, stimulating outlet. So, like any good Millennial who has an Instagram and a computer, I started a blog. The topic of my blog was being a twenty-something - so anxious, so young! How do I cope? I wanted to write from the heart, and that angsty-transition period was what I was in the middle of.
Looking back to when I started, I had lofty aspirations; yet I knew how much work it would require. Being a good and successful (note: not one in the same) blogger required tenacity, constant engagement, and being able to provide something that contributed to the world. I figured I could do all of those things.
As I started generating posts, I quickly realized what I enjoyed the most about my blog: writing. I didn’t care about following other people on Instagram, marketing my own posts, tracking my web traffic. Most of the time, frankly, I forgot about those things. Oops - call me a bad blogger. Writing helped me sort out my feelings during this transitional time: starting a new job, moving to D.C., dealing with romantic relationships, making new friends; I’m sure you get it. It helped me make sense of things that didn’t make sense. It helped me express myself in ways that talking to another person couldn’t. I liked being able to wrestle with my words until they meant exactly what I wanted them to say. To be able to find synonyms that were more expressive; to phrase sentences in a meaningful and engaging way.
A few times, I tried to get “serious” about my blog. I’d try to figure out how to do web design, marketing, yada yada yada. Then I’d get bored, forget about it, and go back to writing. In theory, those things sounded cool to me. But in reality, they bored me. I had no interest in learning how to code a website or use Instagram to market my site - when at the same time, I was trying to spend less time on social media. These contradictory goals made it hard to have a growing blog and avoid spending hours engaged in screen time. Needless to say, I never got serious about it. I just wrote.
Over the last few months, I’ve gone through many phases of deleting instagram off my phone. I’ve deleted my facebook permanently. I find that social media, as fun as it is, can turn into a comparison game, a self-deprecating activity, and a time waster. My blog writing, too, has taken a back seat. I mentioned this in a recent instagram post (that required me to re-download the app) that I’d been writing a book, instead. Just for fun - I love a good challenge. Writing blogposts fell to the bottom of my priority list; but I didn’t mind. I loved the writing process of my book and didn’t feel like I had any burning twenty-something issues to share with the world. I finished my book last week. Likely, I won’t pursue it any further, because the topic of the book isn’t something that reflects what I want to manifest in the world. So instead, I’ll start over. Daunting, yes. But I don’t mind - I find that I have so much spirit and hope for my writing that I am not bothered by the fact that I have to do it again. Instead, I am excited to apply the lessons I’ve learned along the way in order to create something even better.
Back to the nature of this post. This is not to say my life is “all figured out”. In fact, it’s nowhere near there. I’ll never be fully “there”, wherever there may be. But I feel more settled than I did a year ago, when I used to dread going to work on Monday morning and was worried about making a budget and trying to sort out how to manage work and a social life. A good comparison here is freshman year of college. You have to slyly reference a map as you walk around campus, remember what time your bio lab is at, and figure out if your RA is friend or foe. By sophomore year, you’ve got those things down pat. I’d say post-grad is like that too. Now, I am settled. I know where to go for bio lab, which food to avoid in the dining hall, and what drinks to get at the bar that won’t give me a brutal hangover the next day. Good metaphor, eh? More like I know how to save and spend my money, how to maintain old and new friendships, how to clean blinds (seriously, I had to call my mother to figure this one out) and make hospital corners when changing my sheets, and how to navigate the working world.
This is my longwinded way of saying: my blog’s purpose has been served. The writing space on this tiny corner of the internet has helped me feel comfortable in building a wonderful, messy, and joyful twenty-something life. And that’s all I can ask for. Of course, I still write all the time - in my diary, on my notes app, in my agenda, on my next book. Writing will never stop for me. But, the time has come to close out this medium of writing. I like to think of these posts as my online diary, to be shared with the world - or whoever stumbles upon this - and hope that they may inspire, entertain, or provide an interesting thought at the least. Many thanks to anyone who has read a post. Now, I shall retreat into my social media-less world, one that is full of quiet confidence, simple joys, and relentless effort toward my passions. And one day, I hope that I’ll have my writing on the pages of book out in the world for you to read.